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Good Humans


https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1EmaaAPrS5fVzBJEtUaG4nv00pcsRSQAn

This. I wish everyone knew how good people were. Here’s the thing... I hate being “that person”... the person on “the list.”  I know my ward (church congregation) leadership talks about me. I know my friends talk about me. I know strangers talk about me. They are so heartbroken for me for all of the things I’ve been through. I KNOW I’m one of the people at the top of “the list.” And everyone is trying to figure out how to help me. I hate this. And I feel like I’ve been on the list too many times over the last decade. I’m not even 30. And I’m constantly on the stupid list. It really is so embarrassing. I know it shouldn’t be but it is. It’s mortifying. This is obviously the worst crisis yet. Multiply the previous worst by 1000 and you’re still not there. But I have been on the list for a while. I just want so badly to be the person who helps other people. I want to be in a position where I can be going to someone’s house and cleaning and helping with their kids and bringing meals and giving money etc etc etc... I just want to be that person. And it feels like life just keeps getting in the way of that. I am always the person who has to be helped. And where before I wasn’t willing to accept much help, now I have to. I don’t have a choice. I can’t do this alone.  And I don’t have my person physically here to help me through it this time. But I have seen so much goodness. So so much. People I haven’t talked to in 20 years, people who were way too cool to be my friend in high school, Denny’s old friends who I never met, people who had that one class with me that one semester of college, complete strangers, people who heard about me through a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, and of course my friends and family and Denny’s loved ones who always show up. I don’t know why I’m so blessed. I don’t deserve any of this charity and support. But my girls do. And I’m so grateful that I get to be there to witness all of this and experience it whether deserving or not. And I really hope one day soon to be the person helping everyone else on the list. Thank you everyone for taking care of us and making the absolute best out of the most horrific and traumatic situation.


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